Discovering My Journey

Tonight I read a book to Gabby about a little boy who discovered that he needed to follow his own journey instead of what everybody else did.  The book is called The North Star by Peter H. Reynolds.  It was really inspirational to me.  I have spent my whole life doing what everybody else has told me to, and I have gotten so lost along the way.  It is time for me to look for my own guide and begin on my own journey.  In order to do this I must figure out what I want.  The truth is I don't really know.  I want to make a difference in people's lives.  I want to be remembered as someone who would help others no matter what it costs me.  But I don't know what I would enjoy doing in that field.  I have to discover who am I before I can get on with my journey, and that is the journey for right now. 

I have been working a lot at an ornament kiost at one of the malls in town.  I personalize some really cute ornaments for really awesome people.  I like it because it makes people happy.  I also get out of the house for a little bit and away from the kids.  I love my kids more than anything, but that little bit of time that I am able to miss them makes me love them even more.  They learned to climb trees.  It is so funny watching them grow, and now my little babies are climbing trees!!

Happy Birthday To Me!!

October 22 is my birthday.  I turned 24 this year, and even though that sounds so young to some people, I have more responsibility than most 30 year olds.  It was the first time I had spent my birthday with my dad in 20 years.  It was really nice and I had an amazing day with my family. 

So last week was fall break for my 6 year old.  That meant that both kids were home driving me absolutely crazy.  I didn't get a single thing done around the house all week, and I felt horrible because that left a ton of housework that needed to be done this weekend.  My poor step-mom got stuck doing most of it while I kept the girls out of the house so she could get things done.  She didn't complain at all, but I could tell that she was fustrated with me.  It brought back a lot of emotions from before when I felt so guilty for not doing certain things and I would get extremely depressed.  So I had this amazing birthday on Saturday and then spent Sunday feeling like the same old depressed person I used to me.  But I'm supposed to be changing.  So that is what I am trying to do.  I have been trying a lot harder to be better at keeping up with housework and things.  So far this week I am doing pretty good.

One of my birthday presents was a gym membership to the local YMCA.  I was very excited about this because I just couldn't afford it on my own.  I have gone every day this week and I am actually really enjoying it.  They have a kids place for the girls to go while I spend however long I can getting my body back into shape.  I feel so much better after a nice long workout in ways that I had forgotten.  How is it that getting so tired while you work out can give you more energy and make you so much happier?  I feel so good now, but I have a long way before I am looking just as good as I feel.

So all in all I have had some struggles, but I am trying to change and become the person that I want to be.  I also got my ears pierced for the first time ever!  It only took me 24 years!!!

The Beginning of the Beginning

Life is complicated.  Do you ever remember hearing that when you were a kid but not really understanding what it meant?  Or wondering why all of the adults were so stupid.  I mean, come on!  They had the power to change things!  Our parents had the ability to make a decision and change all of the bad things that made life so complicated.  Life could have been so simple if only they had made it that way!

Life is complicated.  I am 23 years old and in many ways I am still a child.  But in many ways I am much, much older than 23.  I have responsibilities that most 30 year olds don't have yet.  But I started life early and never got to learn and grow and be young.  So when I decided to take my girls and move from Virginia to Phoenix, Arizona I think that I made my first adult decision to make life as uncomplicated as I can.  I have a long way to go still, but I think I am well on my way.  So after a week and a half of an uncomplicated life, I have changed my outlook on life, and my hair.  Yes.  I know that sounds silly.  But it felt really nice to give myself something.  Until next time...